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Monday, 23 February 2009

Crikey - Have been so Busy

Crikey!

I have been busy. First day today to sit infront of the laptop and type.. Awaiting in great anticipation of the Kiz coming in full steam on how I can personal my page with showing other people's blogs too!!!!

Okay.

Since I wrote last was just after my birthday. (however my daughter pursuaded me to stick a rednose day picture up) Friday the 13th!!!! Anyway it has been over a month and I really will start updating my blog more often.

Well im going to try and rewind to what has happened.

Two of my lovely friends took me out for a belated birthday meal (as I felt pretty rubbish on my birthday) as my ex husband said he would take me out. So I forwent any other plans to do so, and then he let me down, saying I never said I would take you out for your birthday - and so I sent him the text that said he would. (GIT)

Then he rang saying do I still want my birthday present (an electric toothbrush) -hell yeah I wanted it still, but I said its up to you. So his reply was . . . . . . WELL I AINT SPENDING THAT MUCH ON ONE! YOU CAN HAVE A £75 one, NO SECOND THOUGHTS YOU CAN HAVE THE £50.

I said where he could get the expensive one half price, but he was in tesco and he couldnt be arsed with shopping. So I had a cheap one. Oh well. (at christmas I went all out to make it special for him, with gifts from the children, ) im not moaning at the cost - not at all, as money means nothing to me, it was the fact there was no thought!!!!!!! And then a birthday card from him, was , To Sally, From Kelsey & Megan. Not a Phil, and it was so scruffy, and the card wasnt even a happy birhtday mummy.... NO THOUGHT WHAT SO EVER! SO COME HIS BIRTHDAY HE CAN ********!!!!

There, there is my rant for my blog! I hope there are not anymore.... But hey, my girls made my birthday special, so that is all that counts!

((I got my mum to take back my toothbrush and get a refund . . . so I went to amazon and got a much better one, one that my girls can use too, (meg has a disney princess head for hers) and I got it for £20 more - but is so much better! I'll take a pic and add it!! THE INFAMOUS TOOTHBRUSH!!! haha

Well, I have fallen out big time with my best friend. Its such a shame becuase I miss her heaps. She got back with her boyfriend, but since, I hardly see her. When I feel rubbish, I dont answer the phone to anyone, or when I text its usually 2 days out of date, but she knows how rubbish I am when I feel bad, but then makes me feel bad for doing so.

I wont go into it, unless you want me to, but cut a story short, we are friends, but I have a vacancy for no2 best friend. I have Jody, have known her since school, and on and off though growing up, she has always been there for me. She is my top BUD!

Well begining of February, I decided, that time is moving along and I would have been at the end of feb, on the Transplant Waiting List 3 1/2 years. The reason why I have been waiting so long is due to my small size. 4"11.

I have been on the list and have seen others go on the list after me, and who have had transplants. I have seen others die whilst waiting on the list. I had spent most of last year in hospital. 8 months intotal. And I saw quite a few of my friends pass away. One person in particular who sadly left us on 9.11 Naz! She was amazing. She left behind a 4 year old son. And sadly never got to take him to his first day at school. She was in hospital dying. We all thought she would pull through, as she always did when she became this sick, Sadly this time she never did.

This really cut me deep. I lost all emotion. I couldnt cry, the best word I can use for this feeling was NUMB! My friends, doctors and even nurses, noticed a change in me, and I said I was fine. Then I realised I wasnt. I would describe the feeling as I'D LOST MY MOJO! I even decided to see the psycologist. She helped me see things in a different way. And slowly I became to feel less NUMB.

I was going home, for a few days, and feeling that bad, id go back in to hospital. I felt rubbish, espically on my girls, as they wanted me at home and I wanted to be at home with them.. Then when I would come home, the house would be a tip. My mum would not have the house clean and tidy as I would have it, and this stressed me out LOADS. And didnt help me feeling helpless, and I had no energy to even help tidy, when I would come home I would sit infront of the laptop, or on the sofa doing SFA!

In October I started planning my daughters birthday party. Fairy and Pirate. This gave me something to look forard to, and then my other daughters party which was to be a complete suprise. We hired a Limo and took her to a fancy resuratant. My best mate, was like, oooh a LIMO, cool. I said well she could come with me if she liked and she was like ouh yeah!!! (and now one prob with my old best mate, was I forced her to come to limo, and she had to take time off work etc) - (this did my head in, cos she was like ouh yeah i'l come, so I said okay) sorry, but other people asked, oh can I come & I had to say no, cos there was no room) really upset that I had forced her to come into the LIMO) ah well.....

So anyway, preparing these events, I was focused, and felt less NUMB. - but still in hospital. Thank goodness for ward 26 with LAPTOPS!!! Yahoooooooooo!!!

Now my target was to stay out of hospital for these birthdays. one was 10th December & #2 was 23rd December.

My friend Michele from the BBC said he would come and do something to rasie awareness for Organ Donation so he came up top trumps, and broadcasted something really good;
Link - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7775640.stm

And then ITV wanted to do a simular thing to. But I do not have the link to that one anymore, other than this - which is copied from YOUTUBE -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z4IrYhD_-c

But I had decided if by next year I was still waiting for a transplant, I would consider going to America. At this point I didnt know the ins and outs for this, but it was another option, only thing I knew about it was it was COSTLY!

2 comments:

Gemma said...

wow you are teeny tiny! :o)

J said...

Your blog is very pretty Sal! Sorry to hear people have been making life harder for you than it need be.
How are the plans for tx in the US going?
Jess xx