Scratching Deeper Beneath the Surface

Okay then......

Here goes this. I don't think some folk will be happy with what I am about to write, so I hope you enjoy a good soap drama. Though after writing this, it may not be as bad as it sounds, so I may just delete this, as soap drama this probably is not!


ROCKY HORROR!!!

I have never been to one and not had known what it was about.. But I knew I was going to go as Magenta - the french maid. The group of us from the school playground was going. And what a good night it was.... Brilliant costumes - here are some pics:

Then at the end of the night I wasn't ready to go to bed, so I went out with one of the mums into town afterwards and met up with one of her friends,and he was handsome, grey but a bit of alright. We ended up in a club and danced pretty much until we got kicked out. My feet were killing by then, and was just dancing in my groovy knee high socks. Anyway, I wasn't drinking so I drove us into town and took my mate and her friend home. i went in for coffee, and only coffee it was.... though not from him trying!!!! he so badly offered it to me on a plate, - though I would guess from his "aura" that he was a male version of a tart. And there was NOWAY! I felt really proud of myself!!! haha - Was good fun to see him ask and ask and ask and ASK. Said I was missing out, and I said that's a shame, something i'll have to live with I guess!!! This was night before valentines day. Then literally about 1hr after I left, the girl he was seeing turned up at his door.... I had to leave early like 9am as I was cooking for 11 people that day and I needed to get home to put the dinner on..... So glad I had to leave or goodness knows how it would have gone... I felt though I had done the walk of shame, yet I had done nothing literally!!!

Anyway that didn't last long between them.. Apparently she found my hair on his bed!! Ooops, and he didn't buy her anything for valentines, so she was not a happy bunny.

And it didn't take him long to find someone else though and the cheek of him - saying I was the wrong colour as I wasn't blonde so he didn't want well, didn't want anything, not even friend. Oh well... One new person met, more to meet.... I am addicted to meeting new folk, its so exciting!!! haha -

And what is it with blonde brunette!! BRUNETTES all the WAY BABY! we are intelligent - well we are supposed to be, so I guess I let the race down there!!! haha

The week before my night out. I had gone to the hospital to see KimmiK. Was ace to see her, and saw my 2 fave nurses... That be Laura and Gareth. I got some scrubs for my night out and saw a ginger plonker too.. was however good to see him finally doing well since his transplant I have to say. However I don't know what it is I have done, but for some reason, he doesnt like me. I saw him and I was polite as can be. He has done nothing to me apart from being a dick for reasons unknown and too has deleted me from the wonderous world of fb. But there is so much crap in the world why make more. He too has a family like me and has decided to buggar off to uni and leave his family behind. Being a mum, I could never do that, but each to their own and you know what, I have not said anything to him, one its not my business what he does and two, I dont talk to him, so why he keeps thinking im going to do something bad to him I never know, and just to say, I have alot on my plate to be gossiping about him. Anyway had my rant there!! lets do move on.
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My real good mate Matt had his leaving party the night I had my ONE YEARS CELEBRATION!

Matt you see, has disappeared to OZ for 3 months, and is back in July..... I am missing him already, though the lil poo bog he is, he is a grumpy bum by not talking to me as much!!! grrrrrr, lol

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I met this lad who back in the day was one of my best friends, and we started meeting up again just recently, and then a day before my years transplant, he came over to see me. He'd arranged to stay, and was going to go home first thing in the morning as he came over quite late - as in 10.45pm late if not a bit later than that; and grown up things happened as they do, and you know what he did, a few minutes later he came to me and said I'm going back home! He was supposed to be a friend, well I wouldn't listen to any reason of his to why he had to get home, which is bad of me really on his defence and I know he has issues right now, however, even one night stands don't do that. They do the walk of shame on the morning after!!!!! - If he knew he was going to go home, he couldn't have come.

Well that was the end of our friendship. I was contemplating deleting him off my facebook, but thought na I wont be so pathetic, but he beat me to it, deleted and BLOCKED me! Ah well........ Better off without DICKHEADS like him.
He couldn't even make it to my 30th birthday back in Jan, cos he was worried what his friends may say. Not even a card either.... I always bothered with him, even when I was really ILL, but im not one for saying well I did this and that, bla bla bla, friends are friends and that is all there is to it, Well no more... I don't deserve a lot, but I deserve better than him even as a friend,... Am gutted it came to an end like that, but hey...... I have my health - but only JUST! I should have learned my lesson the first time things happened, but silly me, keep going back for more,..,.

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I finally had a psychic night!!!! As I always said I wanted to see one on this side and not the other, and it turned out to be a great night..... I didn't have a reading done and I had had one done a few weeks before, which was interesting to say the least.... But nothing that was said has actually happened. <> although the lady knew that I had been offered it on a gold goblet, but id said no!!! haha, that bit was funny!!! So watch this space!

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My 1st Year Of Post Transplant
My day isn't till the 18th itself. As I feel - I went to sleep on the 17th (st.Paddy's day) and woke up - my new life began on the 18th, and that the 17th is time for reflection for my donor and her family. as the exact date to me getting my call.... So I was at the yard - my favourite place to be at the moment, and let off a Chinese lantern in memory of the kind lady who donated to me her lungs. Without them I know I wouldn't be here now to tell the tale... Here are two pics of the lantern in the sky....

There the lantern goes - high in the sky

Anyway, a new / old friend, who I hope to develop to a good friendship, who I had only met once, offered me to go down to his as he couldn't make it to mine for my night out, and me always up for going out meeting new folk and going to different places, I decided to go.

Before arriving there I called into see my VERY good mate, who at the time wasn't feeling too hot, but I wouldn't take no for an answer to go and see her. Kim is too 1 years post, but she is 3-4 days after me. That's how we met. And I love her to bits, and wanted to see her as I promised I would!!!! Had a lovely time;

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My new friend and I skating or should that be falling on ice!!! I fell over so many times, and got so badly bruised. I wasn't so much embarrassed about falling, it just bloody hurt!!!! I bought these figure skating skates about 4 months before I got pregnant with Megan, as Kels and I were going skating a few times, but then I found out I was pregnant, and didn't go again, and then I didn't have time once Meg was first born then when I did I was too ill and breathless to go, so to this day they been in my attic collecting dust.

And I said to him that I cannot skate and that its been ages, and I kept tripping over the toe pick thingy. He was a pro!! HAHA - so now watch this space, I am going all prepared during the Easter hols with elbow and knee pads!! Oh and a helmet too, you think I am joking, I KID YOU NOT! lol

Anyway after, we went for food which was nice and a glass of wine and i was drunk!! So cupsa tea to sober me up when we got back to his. And I found out something really funny. He is the most ticklish guy to have ever met!!!!! SO SO FUNNY! Say no more!!!! haha

Oh and I entrusted him to drive my car, haha how many times does one have to stall the flipping the engine!!! :-D

Next day was funny. Ever had Sausage ..... ...... ...... Roll for breakfast? And I mean the pastry kind! Well I hadn't until then, but with brown sauce lovely... We went to a café and all they had left was those, and I wasnt being fussy anymore, as went to debenhams and it didn't look appetising at all.

All in all a good start to a fab weekend, was good to forget I was a mum and could be reckless!!! Falling over and walking like John Wayne on the ice! - should have gone bowling instead - **note to self** - Always go for safer option!! - Thanks for good weekend, next time I'll behave myself!! ;-)

--------------------------Me With My Shiney New LUNGS!
Saturday now - we had an absolute wicked night... I got dressed up in a straight jacket!!

We All Let Off A Lantern Each - Trying to do this whilst drunk proved quite HARD!

And towards the end of the night I changed into some scrubs, and felt restricted to dance, but what a good night.. I was with people who mattered to me.... It was the best!!!!!!!

Tricia nicked me and took me to Lunar Bar - and gave me a squished FROG! It was yummy... tasted like a hario!!! Must have a few next time I go to town!! They are lush...........

I danced abit, laughed abit, and for once, I didnt go for a poo!!!

My normal thing when i go out on the town, is someone finds me on the loo becuase of my tummy!!! haha

Jody Dressed as a scrub nurse / or she likes to be called a surgeon. Tricia Was An ARMY Nurse, Ada was a sexy doctor, and me a MENTAL pateint, and Sally as a scrub nurse too.... Bit gutted more folk didnt dress up... Would have loved it if my 3 mates, the TWO Kimbo's and Aimee could have made it, but both on IV's and Felt rubbish, and Kimbo no 1 (as she is older) was stuck in hosp too, but was good to have Steve and Kelly too....... At the end of the night or towards the end of the night, we put SaM in the straight jacket, and was so funny..... In the end, it was just Sam & I again.......

Sam so kindly bought a bottle of Champers,
which was ace, and we named it HOPE! :-) And all the lanterns were called Hope too......

Again, had the best night with my real best mates, just wish the other 3 could have made it

And I didn't wake up with too much of a hang over either which was quite nice - And to finish off we ended up here:
A friend of mine Rachey got her transplant after a huge struggle to get on the list.... She is doing well so I hear.

And Stephen Kirsop - waited just over 14 months had his transplant too..... He was home before 4 weeks of his op... So very proud of him and he has a funny brother called Paul!!! -ooops I got the brothers mixed up again!! doh!!!! It was PAUL who has the transplant!!! :0)

As I want to end on a happy note! xxx

TOTAL APOLOGIES!

Right then, Where Do I START!? okay, firstly, I want to say, I am so sorry, it has taken me to bluming long to write. I have how can I put it, been so busy.

The last that was written on here, was that we as a family, required a new pet! Milo. He is as gorgeous as ever, doing tricks of - lay down, roll over, stand, walk, please and SIT! But he doesn't know shut up and leave the CAT alone!!! Ah well, can't ask for it all... The girls totally adore him, and I do too!! :)

I have given up university now. But I intend on going back this coming September to study something else. And that is ODP! I would love to give back what I have been given all these years, corny I know, but thats how I feel and its something I can ACTUALLY do, as working on a main ward or a specialist unit on a ward would be no good due to the bugs. So this I can do, and I look good in scrubs!!

Though I dont think it is a good look with wine in tow

taken from Celebrating My 1st Birthday

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Okay next on the agender - I fell inlove again, but it didnt work out well not intirely sure if it was love, or lust. Either way, it was good whilst it lasted, something that not had found for many years, and now its just ME again. I would like to meet someone, but will wait now till I am back at uni. I'd like a surgeon or a doctor!!! HAHA (in the mean time, to enjoy some fun) . . . . . . .

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Next on the Agender!!!

In September last year, I went and chose another addition for our family, and here is a pic of him!!!




This is SONIC!!!! ----------- ---------- -------- ---->>>

And he is a Gelding which means male but balls chopped off, and he is 5 yaers old. He is a lovely little man, likes to try and take the MIKKY - but he is lovely and really REALLY love him... The girls are totally bessotted with him... I always used to say to their dad when we were together, when I have a transplant, this was before I was even listed - that I would go and get a horse, and that is what I did... Infact he is only a pony as he is 13.2hh and is a welsh section C

He is my escape from life and the girls too, and thought that, with Kelsey it will distract her from boys!! Here's hoping!!! :-)

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Right, next on the agender is:

I have had the most amazing last christmas. I cooked for my nan and roy. My mum and Lee and My two Girlies. I did it all and it was the most amazing feeling, and the year before it was such an effort to eat let alone do presents, breakfast, cook, etc etc. When I'd read other folks comments / blogs etc about how eating Dinner at christmas was a struggle, I couldnt imagine what they meant, and thought, gawd no, I EAT n EAT n EAT all the time, so i cannot imagine not wanting to let alone being too tired to, and yes I know the meaning now, and its not a nice feeling, its like a sluggish feeling with tiredness.- but this year, was totally amazing!!!!!! Was soo good to be able to wake up in the morning to the girls opening their presents!!!

This is us, in the evening after dinner cooked, eaten and put away and now time to chill.... I know I went abit over board with the girls this year, but what an amazing day I have to say....

Then there was New Year..... Sara the owner of the stables where Sonic is kept asked us to her house for a party. To which I accpeted quite late on.. As my family, I had booked right back in October as I wanted to make sure I was with all my family this year, as the last new years, I was on my own with my mum and girls as I was too ill too go elsewhere which was supposed to be with my nephew in Essex. So I had asked all my family to which they all said YES! I was so happy, best feeling in the world. I wanted to do Christmas too, but alot of family couldnt do that, but said definately NY. So that was it. PARTY at time, like the old times for NY!

It was Kelsey's Birthday begining of Decemeber and hit the BIG ONE O! 10!!!! I was so proud of her!!!! My baby 10 years old, and I was here to see it!!! YAY!!!!

So I mentioned to my sister about NY and she said, Oh we are going to john's mum's now. Which is her hubby's mum, and I said Oh... :( Well she gave us invitations!! Oh again I thought. She said, well you come to us, and I said NO, I had arranged all to come to mine, I dont fancy going somewhere else. I was GUTTED to say the least!!!! i couldnt believe it.. the one year I am fit and healty after just having a transplant, to be told yes we'll definately come, TO NO WE ARE NOT, right at the last minute, was awful to say the least.

I sid to one of my family members, I feel like my family were only nice to me when I was ill, and now I am well, I dont see many people at all. And I was told not to be so stupid. I was giong through a rough time mentally then, as you do get ups n downs with transplant, and its mainly acceptance that I was looking for, but I couldnt find it, not in this healthy world now, and I didnt belong in the old world either as in LIMBO - if that makes sense.

But I was told not to be so stupid, but to this day now - I am post 1 year, and I only heard from my mum dad and both nans and my cousin Kate and no-one else. So I have decided that I cannot be bothered. I turned 30 too and saw only my mum and dad, and only heard from one sister. The one person who I thought I was closest to in the family, nothing, and not even a birthday to my daughter too :-(

I have accepted now that I cannot keep going on like this, and I am fed up of doing all the chasing, to see everyone, as I feel I do, but I dont get to see my family back in return unless I do all the work, as I would be told well you dont come and see us now you are healthy, bla bla bla, I do miss my family I must admit, but hey ho hum...... Oh I dont know I am rambling on as per usual,and I guess from their point of view im talking crap, but this is how this feels to me.

Anyway NY was great, with new family, who I infact have taken too, took me a while to feel that I fit in at the yard, but I feel as if I do now and the guys down the YARD are totally AMAZING, and accept me for who I am .... TOTALLY DIPPY!!!!!!! haha

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EGYPT!

For my 30th We were going to go abroad to Morrocco, however, due to the heavy snow at gatwick we were not able to fly out. So we changed out flights to EGYPT. The best thing to have ever happened... It was awesome. Meg has never flown before, so I was able to do it.. TAKE MEG on her FIRST flight!!!!!! I really always wanted to, but came to the conclusion that I wouldnt be doing this, and to beable to I was buzzzzzzing all the way to Sharm-el-Shiek. I went before with their dad when I was 21. And unfortuately our photo's never came out, so this time I was making sure I took LOADS!

The girls loved it and I think my mum did too. Kelsey for only being 10 loves culture... She was amazed at the museum and the pyrimids....

All I can say was, I thought yes, i'll be able to chill and sleep by the pool, as can remember nothing else when been on holiday, and so I lay down by the pool to watch the girls play, and I couldnt sleep, I DIDT NEED TO SLEEP!! It was an amazing feeling to have all this energy and no need to re-cooperate!!! The food was amazing, we stayed ALL INC and was the best!!!!

However, when we were there, we did a horse ride in the desert and I stupidly whilst galloping didnt wear anything across my face to keep the dust away and that was it... I got a chest infection!! Snotty nose too.... The night I got back from Egypt was one of the best nights in mylife in such a long time. And after a week of being back in UK, I needed IV's in hospital and my sinuses were completely blocked with severe infection. The iv's and orals I took worked and I blew the best ever, which at the time was 2.19 over 2.89.

Here are a few pics from Egypt:

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SUMMERY

Okay, Brilliant Christmas, New Year, Birthday Good..... Fantastic Holiday, Ended up In hospital for being a dumb bum, seen the light with my family, made some fantastic new friends, got closer to the ones I have already, Love my Horse and Dog and now forgetting my Cat.... Fell inlove, lost a brilliant friend due to my dumbness, lost 2 freinds post transplant, and to CF. My friend is due to have a baby soon, second baby and CF, and my other good CF freind getting married in July. And finally id like to go travelling where possible!!!!!! I have lots more to say, but I think at the moment, this is good enough for a quick update and will babble on about other stuff in more detail soon, I promise!! :-D

Thanks again for reading, and promise I won't take this long to update again!!!!!!!