Sunday, 28 March 2010


Right then, Where Do I START!? okay, firstly, I want to say, I am so sorry, it has taken me to bluming long to write. I have how can I put it, been so busy.

The last that was written on here, was that we as a family, required a new pet! Milo. He is as gorgeous as ever, doing tricks of - lay down, roll over, stand, walk, please and SIT! But he doesn't know shut up and leave the CAT alone!!! Ah well, can't ask for it all... The girls totally adore him, and I do too!! :)

I have given up university now. But I intend on going back this coming September to study something else. And that is ODP! I would love to give back what I have been given all these years, corny I know, but thats how I feel and its something I can ACTUALLY do, as working on a main ward or a specialist unit on a ward would be no good due to the bugs. So this I can do, and I look good in scrubs!!

Though I dont think it is a good look with wine in tow

taken from Celebrating My 1st Birthday

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Okay next on the agender - I fell inlove again, but it didnt work out well not intirely sure if it was love, or lust. Either way, it was good whilst it lasted, something that not had found for many years, and now its just ME again. I would like to meet someone, but will wait now till I am back at uni. I'd like a surgeon or a doctor!!! HAHA (in the mean time, to enjoy some fun) . . . . . . .

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Next on the Agender!!!

In September last year, I went and chose another addition for our family, and here is a pic of him!!!

This is SONIC!!!! ----------- ---------- -------- ---->>>

And he is a Gelding which means male but balls chopped off, and he is 5 yaers old. He is a lovely little man, likes to try and take the MIKKY - but he is lovely and really REALLY love him... The girls are totally bessotted with him... I always used to say to their dad when we were together, when I have a transplant, this was before I was even listed - that I would go and get a horse, and that is what I did... Infact he is only a pony as he is 13.2hh and is a welsh section C

He is my escape from life and the girls too, and thought that, with Kelsey it will distract her from boys!! Here's hoping!!! :-)

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Right, next on the agender is:

I have had the most amazing last christmas. I cooked for my nan and roy. My mum and Lee and My two Girlies. I did it all and it was the most amazing feeling, and the year before it was such an effort to eat let alone do presents, breakfast, cook, etc etc. When I'd read other folks comments / blogs etc about how eating Dinner at christmas was a struggle, I couldnt imagine what they meant, and thought, gawd no, I EAT n EAT n EAT all the time, so i cannot imagine not wanting to let alone being too tired to, and yes I know the meaning now, and its not a nice feeling, its like a sluggish feeling with tiredness.- but this year, was totally amazing!!!!!! Was soo good to be able to wake up in the morning to the girls opening their presents!!!

This is us, in the evening after dinner cooked, eaten and put away and now time to chill.... I know I went abit over board with the girls this year, but what an amazing day I have to say....

Then there was New Year..... Sara the owner of the stables where Sonic is kept asked us to her house for a party. To which I accpeted quite late on.. As my family, I had booked right back in October as I wanted to make sure I was with all my family this year, as the last new years, I was on my own with my mum and girls as I was too ill too go elsewhere which was supposed to be with my nephew in Essex. So I had asked all my family to which they all said YES! I was so happy, best feeling in the world. I wanted to do Christmas too, but alot of family couldnt do that, but said definately NY. So that was it. PARTY at time, like the old times for NY!

It was Kelsey's Birthday begining of Decemeber and hit the BIG ONE O! 10!!!! I was so proud of her!!!! My baby 10 years old, and I was here to see it!!! YAY!!!!

So I mentioned to my sister about NY and she said, Oh we are going to john's mum's now. Which is her hubby's mum, and I said Oh... :( Well she gave us invitations!! Oh again I thought. She said, well you come to us, and I said NO, I had arranged all to come to mine, I dont fancy going somewhere else. I was GUTTED to say the least!!!! i couldnt believe it.. the one year I am fit and healty after just having a transplant, to be told yes we'll definately come, TO NO WE ARE NOT, right at the last minute, was awful to say the least.

I sid to one of my family members, I feel like my family were only nice to me when I was ill, and now I am well, I dont see many people at all. And I was told not to be so stupid. I was giong through a rough time mentally then, as you do get ups n downs with transplant, and its mainly acceptance that I was looking for, but I couldnt find it, not in this healthy world now, and I didnt belong in the old world either as in LIMBO - if that makes sense.

But I was told not to be so stupid, but to this day now - I am post 1 year, and I only heard from my mum dad and both nans and my cousin Kate and no-one else. So I have decided that I cannot be bothered. I turned 30 too and saw only my mum and dad, and only heard from one sister. The one person who I thought I was closest to in the family, nothing, and not even a birthday to my daughter too :-(

I have accepted now that I cannot keep going on like this, and I am fed up of doing all the chasing, to see everyone, as I feel I do, but I dont get to see my family back in return unless I do all the work, as I would be told well you dont come and see us now you are healthy, bla bla bla, I do miss my family I must admit, but hey ho hum...... Oh I dont know I am rambling on as per usual,and I guess from their point of view im talking crap, but this is how this feels to me.

Anyway NY was great, with new family, who I infact have taken too, took me a while to feel that I fit in at the yard, but I feel as if I do now and the guys down the YARD are totally AMAZING, and accept me for who I am .... TOTALLY DIPPY!!!!!!! haha

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For my 30th We were going to go abroad to Morrocco, however, due to the heavy snow at gatwick we were not able to fly out. So we changed out flights to EGYPT. The best thing to have ever happened... It was awesome. Meg has never flown before, so I was able to do it.. TAKE MEG on her FIRST flight!!!!!! I really always wanted to, but came to the conclusion that I wouldnt be doing this, and to beable to I was buzzzzzzing all the way to Sharm-el-Shiek. I went before with their dad when I was 21. And unfortuately our photo's never came out, so this time I was making sure I took LOADS!

The girls loved it and I think my mum did too. Kelsey for only being 10 loves culture... She was amazed at the museum and the pyrimids....

All I can say was, I thought yes, i'll be able to chill and sleep by the pool, as can remember nothing else when been on holiday, and so I lay down by the pool to watch the girls play, and I couldnt sleep, I DIDT NEED TO SLEEP!! It was an amazing feeling to have all this energy and no need to re-cooperate!!! The food was amazing, we stayed ALL INC and was the best!!!!

However, when we were there, we did a horse ride in the desert and I stupidly whilst galloping didnt wear anything across my face to keep the dust away and that was it... I got a chest infection!! Snotty nose too.... The night I got back from Egypt was one of the best nights in mylife in such a long time. And after a week of being back in UK, I needed IV's in hospital and my sinuses were completely blocked with severe infection. The iv's and orals I took worked and I blew the best ever, which at the time was 2.19 over 2.89.

Here are a few pics from Egypt:

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Okay, Brilliant Christmas, New Year, Birthday Good..... Fantastic Holiday, Ended up In hospital for being a dumb bum, seen the light with my family, made some fantastic new friends, got closer to the ones I have already, Love my Horse and Dog and now forgetting my Cat.... Fell inlove, lost a brilliant friend due to my dumbness, lost 2 freinds post transplant, and to CF. My friend is due to have a baby soon, second baby and CF, and my other good CF freind getting married in July. And finally id like to go travelling where possible!!!!!! I have lots more to say, but I think at the moment, this is good enough for a quick update and will babble on about other stuff in more detail soon, I promise!! :-D

Thanks again for reading, and promise I won't take this long to update again!!!!!!!